god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
