Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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