your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
