Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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