I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
