You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
