I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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