Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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