After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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