the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
