He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
