um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
