woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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