"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
