Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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