Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
