I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
