Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
