DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
