I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
