i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
