just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
