It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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