Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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