so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
