i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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