capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My feet surprised me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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