I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
