His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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