New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
