One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
