No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
