Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Success! We fucked roommates!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
