just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
