I just made out with a guy for $7.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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