Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
