we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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