I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
