the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
