and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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