Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Edward fifth and chaser hands
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
