is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
