His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
