So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
