My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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