Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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