Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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