just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
