we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
