i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
