apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
