Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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